With all these problems, and the need to have the homegrown server running something stable I've decided on Debian Stable for the re-install. I'll be doing this with backports as that way I can at least grab the latest releases without damaging the core stable system; as it'll be sitting in colo I really don't want to drive down there every weekend to kick it back into gear.

Debian can be grabbed from here, note most people have never needed anything but the first dvd or first one or two cd iso's for a basic install so no need to grab everything.

Backports are available here, this at least gives the ability to keep up to date with more specific packages while not damaging the core system.

Fingers crossed this should be the final time I do a rebuild before it goes to colo.

[update]

server running a lot better, since I made the switch to Debian; won't be long now till it's taken down to colo.